Boy, if I had a nickel for every time God decided to call my bluff...
January 11, 2020, started out as a normal day. It was a simpler time when instead of COVID, we were just annoyed by the infectious nature of the Kardashians.
As a normal adult, you look back at the proverbial forks in the road and only realize then you chose the path less traveled. And boy did that make all the difference!
Growing up, I always bucked against the traditional gender norms of the time. Sure, every girl my age loved Barbies and New Kids on the Block. While most girls were happy to play mommy or housewife, I found baby dolls to be rather odd. Feeding and tending to tiny inanimate humans without motor skills? Hard pass. Cooking? Not my strong suit.
My earliest memories include a deep-rooted desire to become an astronaut. I checked out every single book about space travel from the library. Not deterred by the Challenger disaster, I eagerly sought out how to work toward my goal of exploring the cosmos and watched space-themed movies and studied astronomy. I even squealed with delight when I found astronaut ice cream in a gift shop on vacation. Newsflash - that stuff is nasty.
When flying through space seemed like an out of this world goal (*rimshot*), I consumed any television program about travel to exotic locations here on Earth. I imagined the joy of sharing ethnic dishes, cooked in elaborate cookery not found in my mother's kitchen. I dreamed about paddling up the Amazon in search of undiscovered tribes. The idea of wearing elaborate henna tattoos and jewel-encrusted saris was not a life I would ever experience in rural Eastern Kentucky.
But throughout those formative years, I mostly dreamed about being a powerful businesswoman. Maybe its because I watched way too many movies with strong female leads in the 80s. Movies and TV shows of that era really became synonymous with the idea that women could not only have a career, but they could also do it better than the boys. Glass ceilings were being shattered in every story I consumed, and I was all for it.
On more than one occasion, I pulled our family's living room ottoman in front of the fireplace to create an office from which I commanded my empire. Somehow, I convinced myself that I was Sadie Ratliff from Big Business. I had been switched at birth and my twin was out there checking into The Plaza Hotel for an important Shareholder's Meeting. It made sense to an eight-year-old with an over-active imagination. As did my eight-year-old twin commanding a multi-million dollar empire. Honestly, I was spending my money on freshly tumbled rocks at Natural Wonders at that age. I was sure she was the one who had the instincts for hostile takeovers, quarterly financial reports, and other business jargon I had learned from movies.
My intimidating desk was equipped with my family's steel-gray stapler, several pens I had pilfered from my mom's purse, and a notepad from which I would take copious notes about the day's events. With the help of our family's cordless phone, I soon took over answering all of our calls. I doubt my aunts or my dad's business associates had much appreciation for my above-par telephone etiquette, but I took pride in my poise and professionalism. I was born for this role.
Never did I ever imagine going home at the end of the busy workday to a family. I know that's going to shock a lot of women when I say that, but hear me out.
Not every little girl dreams about being a mom. Sorry for the pearl-clutching so early in the post.
Fast forward 25+ years, I had finally arrived at my desire to start a family with my incredible husband when we were dealt a devastating blow. Being biological parents wasn't possible for us. Both Brian and I took tender care of each other during this difficult time, but I was at peace with the situation. Besides, I was a proud auntie to so many beautiful babies. What better situation existed? You get a front-row seat to watching some incredible human beings grow and learn, and you have absolutely no diaper duties. Sleeping late or going out with your friends? Not a problem. Want to catch brunch or a fancy-schmancy dinner with your beloved? No need for a babysitter. Worried about college? Naaaaahhh, let's book a 12-day excursion through Ireland and Scotland instead.
Brian and I began patiently exploring the world of both international and domestic adoption in late 2019 when I realized our hopes for a future child were incredibly different. While Brian truly wanted a very young child if not a baby, I was happy with an older child, or gasp, even a teenager! Brian preferred a child in which adoption wasn't superficially obvious, while I was much more in favor of adopting a child of a different race or nationality.
We met in the middle in the spirit of love, deciding that when God wanted to send us a child, he would send us a child. It would be incredibly obvious and we didn't have to overthink it.
The Lord has a sense of humor, my friends.
On January 11, 2020, my dearest friend Becky posted an innocuous listing to my Facebook timeline from an exchange student website. In her teen years, the Cooper family had adopted a Danish daughter and they remain close even to this day.
When I first read about Enna, I thought "aww, she sounds cute." Enna was a 16-year-old from Berlin, Germany whose host family encountered a sudden crisis and made the painful decision to find her a new place to stay. Enna had been in Kentucky since August and was acclimated to life here in America. She just needed a loving home for the remainder of her school year. And luckily, we were in her school district.
One thing to note about me. I am impulsive. I am a creature who is driven by instinctual leaping and very little looking. I would never win in a Frogger arcade tournament. The yin to my yang is Brian, who is cautious, careful, and never makes any large decision without painfully weighing the pros and cons of every nuance. Buying big-ticket items together is so much fun!
I walked over to Brian enjoying his morning coffee in his oversized leather armchair and pointed at the listing. "I think we should (temporarily) adopt this child," I explained.
My husband stared at it intently for a few minutes before responding, "She sounds awesome. But she's someone's kid and not a set of drapes. It's a huge commitment. Maybe we should think about it before jumping in headfirst?" It really angers me when he's so logical.
The next morning at church, I smirked when I read the excerpt from the day's sermon. God definitely has a sense of humor, my darlings. As part of our One At a Time series our Pastor, Kyle Idleman, had been prepping our congregation on reaching people as individuals in order to build connections that lead to building communities. His message that day was spot on and I could not have been happier that sermons that are laid out weeks and months in advance were totally applicable to our lives in that exact moment.
One decision has the power to transform someone’s life forever.
And that's pretty much how Brian and I adopted a German teenager. God told Brian it was a great idea. Lol
Deciding to adopt a German teenager? No sweat. Preparing for the arrival of a German teenager? Much more work. Taking in a foreign exchange student is as you would imagine, a lot of paperwork and very extensive background searches. Lucky for me, my questionable social media likes and sardonic comments on current events were not a deciding factor. For our side of the experience, the process usually takes a month of intense paperwork, background checks, and home visits.
Because of the unusual circumstances, our coordinator Stefanie navigated us through a process similar to driving on the Autobahn (the German expressway that's famous for not having a speed limit). Calling our closest friends and family to explain to them our insane endeavor was so much fun that day.
Imagine taking this call:
Pastor Friend Justin: Hey Christy, what's up?
Christy: I need your help. We are adopting a German teenager, and people will be calling you to be sure we aren't serial killers. I'll explain later, I have to make 12 more calls. Sound good?
Pastor Friend Justin: For anyone else, this conversation would be strange and out of place.
A thorough cleaning of our home from top to bottom commenced immediately after the paperwork. After all, we still had to pass a home visit and I doubt the organization would be happy to know that sans children Brian and I tend to live like a bunch of slovenly fraternity brothers.
When Stefanie arrived on Tuesday, she laughed that I had actually vacuumed my couch. Doesn't everyone vacuum their couch prior to being evaluated as an adult? I can't think of a more adult thing to do! When I am thorough, I am extremely thorough!
One hapless soul not consulted in this arrangement was Mittens, our very territorial, yet apathetic, first-born.
We both gave her extra attention and love in those 72 hours between childlessness and becoming sudden parents of a teenager in an effort to placate her. Turns out, she was totally cool with an extra roommate to ignore.
When the day arrived, we were completely, madly, illogically, and irreversibly smitten with Enna within the first five minutes.
Our journey in becoming not only instant parents but instant parents to a feisty teenager from a completely different world is something that changed us not only as adults but as people. Agustine of Hippo once wrote, "The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page."
I would add "those who live with another human being from a different culture can write a thorough separate chapter on learning experiences and introspection on the unspoken nuances of your own culture."
Enna challenged our way of thinking, not only as parents but as human beings. And in the coming weeks, I can't wait to share some of the many similarities to normal parenting and stark contrasts we encountered by having her join our family.
Last Thursday Enna called me to check-in and I asked her how she felt about me writing about our experience as an instant family. She was completely supportive, and might even write a guest blog post from her perspective in the future.
But her intent for calling was to explain that she and her family were taking their traditional summer holiday and she would be out of touch for several weeks. She didn't want us to worry. I guess it was at that moment my Grinch-like heart realized something had always been missing from my life.
Being a mom is both a terrifying and exhilarating experience. And I will forever be profoundly humbled and grateful that this incredible human being will always think of me as her's.
Thanks for reading!
~ Christy
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