Our cat is the newest member of The Sticky Bandits.
I might be a purest, but I think the Home Alone movies jumped the shark after the second movie. Honestly, how many times are we going to enjoy watching a kid defend his turf from nocturnal marauders when in reality, it's just neglectful parenting? Recent events, however, have me feeling a bit more sympathy for the McAllister parents.
A few weeks ago, the husband and I were lying in bed blissfully drifting off to sleep. Unbeknownst to us, our normally mild-mannered cat (OK that's a stretch but stay with me) had suddenly morphed into a trash panda.
For those of you not up on the lexicon, a trash panda is a slang term for a raccoon. Raccoons, as you well know, love to eat garbage. Now our cat has feasted before on garbage. Years ago, the husband erroneously left some discarded buffalo wings on a plate in the living room, and we discovered the veritable chicken carnage the next morning. The cat isn't turned off by hot sauce. Go figure.
So moments after I closed my eyes, I heard the distinct sound of metal clanging against the floor. I rushed downstairs , sans clothes which is a definite deterrent to robbers, to find the sink drain strainer had been pulled out and was lying face down on the kitchen floor. The kitchen floor I had just mopped hours before. Yeah. Embedded inside the strainer was a tiny bit of gelatinous food left behind after I had tidied up from that night's dinner.
The cat had hopped into the sink, used her little polydactyl paws to retrieve the strainer, and had feasted on the remnants of gravy and ground beef. Gross. Little did I know, we had reached a new low in caring for our tiny political dissident.
Now, one would assume I could easily remedy this by not leaving dishes in the sink. Great plan! But still, I don't like the idea of the cat walking around on our kitchen counters. Naive as this may sound, we noticed rarely she did this before the clanging incident.
Recently, we've noticed she'd adopted a Hakuna Matata attitude about cleanliness and order in our house. With the vast Sahara of hardwoods, she chooses to puke on our favorite living room rug. Recently, I was preparing some delicious leftovers from Ramsi's in Louisville. As I turned my back to plate my salad, the cat hopped up on the counter, snagged a piece of chicken for herself, and enjoyed the thrill of victory right in front of me. W...T...french toast?!?!?!
We feed her, I promise! Her sudden scavenging habit has quickly spiraled out of control.
A few days ago, we were dealt another crushing blow in the fight with the resident trash panda when our dishwasher went out. Our repairman is replacing the pump, but alas, it's going to be about a week before the part arrives. In the meantime, we've broken out our finest Christmas disposable china to minimize the chaos. Yet, the trash panda persists.
I've caught her on the counters and in the sink more times that I can count. Physical outrage, yelling, threats of skinning and wearing her as a hat...little has deterred her.
So I did what any responsible pet parent would do - I googled some safe but incredibly effective ways to prevent the trash panda from putting her dirty paws on the adult-only surfaces.
One website suggested placing painter's tape stick-side up along the counters and around surfaces you want to remind cats are off-limits. Evidently, cats hate it when things are stuck to their toe beans.
I was eager to put my Kevin McAllister-inspired plan to work, and sure enough, within minutes, we caught her in the act. I was sitting in the office when I heard the distinct rattling of paper. I rushed into the kitchen to find her frantically shaking her back leg. "Ahh...caught in the act you jerk!" I bellowed, followed by a series of stern "NO!" commands. And then I lovingly removed the tape, because deep down, I do like this cat. Most of the time.
Maybe the cat would think again before committing discarded food larceny?
Fingers crossed.
Last night, I again laid the trap, covering practically ever surface of our kitchen in painter's tape. Around the entire sink. Along every edge. The entire length of the bar. And then I waited. I purposely didn't go to bed immediately. I sat lying on the couch, waiting to pounce on the aforementioned trash panda. Tonight would be the night I caught her for the last time. And then I'd put her in a kitty straight jacket from the hours of 10 pm until 10 am.
I waited. And the house was quiet. Almost peaceful. So I went to bed, confident that the tape had worked.
I awoke this morning fresh and full of newfound confidence. Thank you Google! Thank you kitty!
And as I made my way into the kitchen I saw it. The Sticky Bandit had completely wrecked my kitchen. There was tape strewn everywhere....ugh!
So we've reset the traps again. We remain hopeful, but vigilant. But a part of me is dying for my dishwasher to return.
But another part of me is thinking about upgrading to duct tape. That'll fix her!
Thanks for reading!
~ Christy
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