Coming to grips with the knowledge that I know absolutely nothing about The Golden Girls.
During this time of polarizing divide within our wonderful country, I lament greatly making comments that could further splinter people into viciously opposing groups. I'm not a fan of broad brush stroke assessments, but on this issue, I remain resolute. The Golden Girls was the greatest show ever created and if you don't agree, I won't share any cheesecake with you. From the opening bars of the iconic theme song "Thank You for Being a Friend," to the jaw-dropping one-liners these four women threw at each other in every episode, this ground-breaking show only aired from 1985-1992, but I still watch it regularly.
Looking back at the extraordinary tapestry of my life, I credit six women with weaving me into the woman I am today. Without question, my Mom and Mom #2 occupy the first two slots. But looking back, Blanche, Dorothy, Rose, and Sophia were my adopted (and fabulous) aunties. They taught me so much. I learned that finding your people at any age is a joyous and empowering experience. No matter what problems come your way, good friends will always have your back. There is always room around the kitchen table for honesty, and frankly, a trusted friend may challenge and ultimately change your stance on some of our most deep-seated beliefs.
They personified how to approach life with grace, style, and laser-sharp wit. These women faced real problems many of us are struggling with today. I strongly believe that their take on immigration, support for the gay community, and how to age gracefully shaped my heart into the empathetic woman I am today.
It's no secret I love those Miami sirens more than life. For two years, I have been vocally planning to dedicate my first-floor powder room to them. If anyone wants to talk my husband into bankrolling that idea sooner than later, I'd be much obliged. I'm still waiting for my invitation to appear on Grab That Dough. At this rate, I have a better shot of winning an electric skillet and a lifetime supply of soup.
My friend Kristi ensures I have at least one Golden Girls-themed Christmas gift every year. Kristi, Becky, Erica, and I have decided that when we're older, we're moving to Miami to be roommates, but it's probably best we all have our own tiny houses, connected by a lanai.
When my friend Sandy suggested we go to The Golden Girls trivia night at Purrfect Day Cat Cafe in Louisville, I was more confident than Rose blowing on her vertubenflugen. I would annihilate the competition. No one knows these women better than me.
Oh my heavens gracious, how wrong I was. I'll get to that.
Sandy and I started our Miami-by-way-of-Louisville adventure at a Highlands institution - Stout Burgers and Beers.
I love a place that keeps it simple and does it well. Stout did not disappoint! You can even order their burgers protein style, which skips the bun and heavy condiments and serves their amazing burgers on a bed of arugula and extras on the side. Any place that promises me protein and a fried green tomato is easily my new favorite.
The food was so incredible I ordered another entree for myself and my husband to go to enjoy the next day. That prolific decision is probably the only reason I didn't throw myself into the busy Highlands traffic after trivia.
After our quick bite, and friendly service from a waiter who had the most magnificent eyes I've ever seen, we walked down the colorful block of unique shops and boutiques to claim our Golden Girls trophy. I even wore my flamingo-printed skirt in honor of the occasion.
With a belly full of amazing food and imminent domination in my favorite subject, I felt like Blanche prancing around in her favorite nightgown. Sadly, I was more like Dorothy in anything back-less. Unnecessary and Horrifying.
Sandy and I settled upon a name for our team faster than Sophia skipping out on Shady Pines. We became The Rusty Anchors for the night.
We later learned some of the teams had put even more thought into their names. The night's winners were Big Daddy's Little Girls, which made me howl with appreciation. Spank You for Being a Friend also gets and honorable mention for creativity.
So half-way through the first round, I looked pitifully at Sandy, who apparently assumed I was her Golden Girls ringer, and declared, "Girl, the Rusty Anchors are going down like the Titanic. I got nothing."
Normally, I would wax poetically about having an off night or the obscurity of the questions, but that wouldn't be fair. Truth be known, I got scared and was paralyzed with the overwhelming realization that I truly knew nothing about my girls.
One of the questions asked us to name the actor who starred in the girls' community theater play. Now I could tell you he was a veteran actor of 30 years. He had affairs with all three girls and even made Rose hide in the trunk of his car. Blanche artificially inflated her bra during the audition, and in a passionate embrace with Biff, they burst, leading him to shout, "Oh my goodness I've popped your bosom." I could even tell you that Josie, the female lead was horrified when Blanche confronted him mid-play calling him "a no-account drifter." And the crowd's reaction when all of the women admitted to falling for him, even Dorothy, who stepped into the role as the Sheriff at the last minute. "You slept with the Sheriff?!?!" Josie asked incredulously.
But I could not bring to mind the name Patrick Vaughn to save my life. It shattered me in a way I've never been hurt before. It's one thing to consider yourself a subject matter expert. It's another to realize you're the Rose Nylund of the crowd.
Such is life. One moment you're on top of the world, the next, you're losing out on becoming St. Olaf Woman of the Year, which comes with a trophy made of chocolate, not cheese. Another missed question.
After two crushing rounds of impossible answers, our host led us downstairs to the night's most redeeming experience. We got to play with baby kitties.
Purrfect Day is such a unique and amazing place. Where else can you get a glass of wine and snuggle with some of the cutest creatures on the planet? And the best news - Purrfect Day partners with the Kentucky Humane Society and all of these kitties are ready for adoption.
While our answers were being tallied, I consoled myself with the feline equivalent of cheesecake. These precious little kitties lifted my spirits and gave me a brief respite of joy.
In true soul-crushing fashion, the scores were announced. The Rusty anchored came in fourth out of seven teams, with a measly 13/30 questions answered correctly. Oh, the humanity. It's almost as if I've never seen the show!
Alas, the two winning teams had tied, which prompted a sudden-death match between two of their best players.
Fifteen minutes later, the victor from Big Daddy's Little Girls emerged, crowned rightfully as the Golden Girls grand champion.
Walking back to our car, I was way too hard on myself.
I called everyone I knew, letting them know that their friend Christy was a great big ol fraud.
Kristi, the Dorothy of our group, initially let my call roll to voicemail, so I took the opportunity to share that I had just bombed at GG trivia and if she cared about me at all, she should call me back to be sure I wasn't hanging from the rafters.
Kristi, in true Dorothy fashion, further admonished me for my lack of knowledge, citing that a person with my passion SHOULD know way more than I think I know.
Sometimes your friends have your back. Sometimes you should be in group counseling for your petty bickering. But that's the sign of true friendship, with or without the cheesecake, Kristi will always serve it to me straight.
So in the light of day, here I stand at the proverbial crossroads. I could be content with my life as the brightest person in St. Olaf, or I could have the courage to venture over to St. Gustaf, the city that never naps, in search of a deeper understanding and love of these four women.
One thing's for certain. This was just a bump in the road. One night doesn't diminish who I am or the plethora of useless knowledge inside my head. But there's always room for more.
So excuse me while I go binge-watch the entire series again. The next time a GG trivia night happens, I'm going to be smarter than Loosey Goosey, Turkey Lurkey, and Henny Penny.
Thanks for reading!
~ Christy
コメント